Quote Kosh="Kosh"Neither of us wears skirts or dresses very often. Until relatively recently neither did my daughter. We have two cars and the kids spent more time being driven around by my wife than me.
Seriously, just
Are you a parent?
Look - I'm aware of certain practical limitations and the influence of outside society. I'm not daft. But in the early years you have near 100% control over the development of your kids. You can absolutely control what ideas and influences they are exposed to, and you are by far and away their most important role model. And we weren't entirely passive, either. We had discussions about gender stereotyping and encouraged them both to be what they wanted to be and not what anyone else thought they ought to be.
I'm not entirely sure what point you're trying to make TBH.'"
You are the one who felt that because you had gender neutral parenting there must be something else at play for them to develop into traditional gender roles i was pointing out that i do not believe that you can be gender neutral in a gender orientated society as there are too many things you cannot control all you can do is mitigate against the worst elements of it which is what you appear to have done by your comment that you do not have barbie and a macho man.
Quote KoshMy wife and I were quite 'right on' when we decided to have kids and went out of our way to avoid the normal gender stereotypes and stereotyping behaviours. I've still ended up with teenagers who are easily recognisable as being of male and female gender.
But there was clearly another factor or factors at work. And I've allowed for peer pressure once they started interacting socially with the world at large.
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I was pointing out that gender development effectively starts from day one when a child is born. Regardless of your parenting others will respond to them on the basis of their perceptions of gender.
If you called your children by names which identified there sex then people automatically respond to them in different ways.
If your girl was called Jill people say isnt she pretty if your son is called jack people say he looks like his dad. All of that is contributing to the development of gender roles. People talk to children differently depending on their sex which begins to inform their gender awareness as i gave an example in a previous post.
Did your son see you shaving your face and maybe notice his mummy didnt all of this affects awareness of sexual and physical differences and creates within a child that because they have a certain sex then they should behave in a certain way.
Obviously the less things that influence that will manage it as they are younger BUT as soon as they start interacting with wider society then those gender roles start devloping.
You say
Quote KoshYou can absolutely control what ideas and influences they are exposed to, and you are by far and away their most important role model
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at what age do you think other things start influencing them. At what stage do you think others start influencing them more. My son was brought up to be a Man United fan, his mum supports them his grandad who he dotes on is a mad Man U fan. I would probably name them as my favoured team. He had man U teddies, wallpaper and quilt cover. He watched Man u games with his mum and grandad. He went to Old Trafford.
Yet when he was 6 his best friend at school persuaded him to support Liverpool in a matter of two weeks. 12 years later he is still a Liverpool fan.
I stick by my point unless you live on a desert island it would be virtually be impossible to protect your children from copying or being aware of gender roles.
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