Quote:It’s Christmas, and the Wigan woman is tutting to herself while going through the Turkey freezer at Tescos. After examining all of them closely she turns to an assistant and says: “Scuse me love, all of these turkeys are a bit small. Do they get any bigger?”
“Fraid not love” replies the assistant. “They’re dead!”

Quote:Five Cas Fans in an Audi Quattro were trying to park at a Wigan game. Mick the steward stops them and tells them: "I'm sorry you can't park here, It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four."
"Quattro is just the name of the Car" the Tigers Fan retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the log book: This car is designed to carry five persons."
"You can't pull that one on me," replies Mick "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law."
The Cas fan replies angrily, "You bloody idiot! Call your supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds Mick, "The boss is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno"

Quote:For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is £80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?”
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an £80,000 mortgage and no bike!"

JoyDivision wrote:bloke goes for a job on a building site foreman asks


'can you you brew tea'

'Yeah'

can you drive a fork lift truck'

'Fook me how bigs the tea pot'