Quote ="Pie Eyed"During a raid last night at the home of Mr Brian Noble, Head Coach of Wigan Warriors RLFC, a number of illegal items were found.
The raid was performed by the World Widlife Fund, and the items in question were over 30 Rhinocerous hides, found in a bedroom.
Mr Noble is believed to wrap these around his body, under his clothing, prior to every game played by his team.
They provide a hide thick enough to withstand the calls to resign, following each additional loss suffered by his club.
Additionally, a large number of sheep-skins were located around Mr Noble's home.
Whilst not illegal, these are believed to have a more sinister use than being simple rugs.
It would appear that prior to each game, one is presented to a Mr Lenagan, the too-trusting, kindly old owner of Mr Noble's club.
During a winning performance, the fleece provides Mr Lenagan with a warm, fuzzy feeling, thus endearing Mr Noble to him.
However, during the (frequent) losing performances, an accomplice of Mr Noble, believed to be a Mr P. Vievers, will sneak up behind the club's owner and tape the fleece around his head - Thus pulling the wool around his eyes, and forcing him to believe the excuses and platitudes offered after each sub-standard performance by Mr Noble, blaming everybody from the referee to Humpty Dumpty and deflecting the blame from himself.
During a follow-up raid by the RSPCA at the club premises, a number of ostriches were siezed, having been found with their heads so firmly buried in the sand on the pitch that they had to be cut free.
These were believed to be the board of Directors.
Investigations continue.'"
Absolutely priceless, At last someone with a sense of humour on here, pure class and keep it coming
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