Previous Thread >>>> [url=http://viewtopic.php?f=11&t=441297&start=1005[size=120Here[/size[/url

I recently got chatting to a lass on an internet dating site.

As I quite like a girl to be 'curvy', I was really looking forward to meeting her when she told me she was a size 16.......





......never realised until I met her that she was talking about her f*****g feet!!!!

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

I won the euro millions last week and bought a large Indian bank and an Indian mobile phone network. I have opened the call centres and helplines in Newcastle....let's see how they like it.

Some drunk bloke approached me yesterday; "Scuse me mate, do you know where the other side of the road is?"



I said "Yeh mate, it's over there"



He said "Jesus Christ, some b***stard's sent me over here!"

Congratulations to Rangi Chase who, at tonight's Man of Steel awards picked up both "best overseas player" and 'best British player'!

The Mrs and I decided to go out for a night on the tiles last night, We walked past a sy new restaurant in the Centre of Chester. "Did you smell that food, it smelt incredible ?"she commented I agreed, the smells were delicious. Being the nice guy I am I thought "Sod it I'll treat her" So we walked past it again.

Both Jack Rodwell and Amanda Knox have had their decisions overturned this week. One has wasted 4 years of their life, trapped and unable to further their career....and the other one's been in a prison in Italy

Steve Jobs death has shaken apple right down to it's core.

Bill Kenwright has announced that due to the coin throwing in last Saturday's derby, David Moyes now has £3.76 to spend in the January transfer window....

Wayne Rooney has said how gutted he is about being sent off in the 32nd minute in Englands game tonight.

The pervert wards of all Englands prisons will be watching England's match tonight, after Cappello announced both Young and Bent will be playing

Now if you'd said 20 minutes from the end..............

fair effort, you were only 40 minutes out

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.



Now we have no Jobs, no Hope, and no Cash.

Steve McBanana walks into his local Burger King and says "Give me two whoppers"



So the girl on the till says "O.K. England are going to win the 4 nations, and Michael McIlorum is international class"

This one from my daughter. Why did spock visit the toilet? He wanted to see the captains log

Paul McCartney has had his first row with his new wife. He has complained she is spending twice as much on shoes as his last one!!!

"What did one BlackBerry user say to the other BlackBerry user? Nothing.

A bloke goes into a Fancy Dress shop and the shop assistant holds out an England Rugby Union kit for him. He says no no i said i want to look like a count not a C.



Finish it yourselfs.

Was walking in the Tesco entrance earlier, when I read their motto, 'Why Pay More?'



"Good point," I thought... "Asda it is then."

Everybody is raving about, 'The only way is Essex.'

Personally I prefer, 'The only way is Liverpool...'



Or Crimewatch as it's better known.