Twas the night before Christmas, and at Craven Park
The floodlights had failed, and the stadium was dark
The new kits were hung on the changing room pegs
Alongside Joel’s bra and Murrell’s outsize kecks
Hudgell and Smith snuggled tight in their bed,
While illusions of North Stand plans danced in their head.
Sandercock in his jester hat, and Joel in his cap,
Had just settled their brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the pitch there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
And there in the distance, through binoculars seen
Was a scratchy old picture on second-hand big screen
A gentleman, silver, wearing corporate sharp suit
With sackloads of cash and judgement astute
Spoke words full of wisdom, eyes sparkling and bright
To give Rovers finest a horrible fright
"Now Sandy! now, Hudgell! now, Moobster and Smithy!
Listen up, the power’ll be gone in a jiffy
A quick Christmas greeting from here in the west
And notice we’ll now be trying our best
To waken the giant, and I don’t mean Ewan Dowes
(though for tacklebusts you ought give his stats a good browse)
Now Agar is binned off, the Mason dream over
And Messiah Morgan no longer a Rover
Whilst certainty, true, is impossible to have
I’ve built first class facilities down on Chants Ave
No cheap jibes, no price hikes, this side of the city
Just hard work, commitment and Lynch (oh so pretty)
So eat up your pies, lick your custardy spoon,
The season’s upon us, it can’t come too soon!”
Hudgell and co watched AP disappear
With a feeling of stomach all knotted in fear
Past wins all forgotten, now in desperation.
“Smithy, let’s search for a new dispensation,
A squad full of forwards, no cover in backs
Misi Taulapapa? Go wield that axe!
We do not fear Gentle, we’ll give him a besting,
For our coach rules all in psychometric testing!”
So off back to bed went Hudgell and crew,
but lay half awake, their brains in a stew
As the voice of AP echoed sharp, clear and bright
“Merry Christmas to all, 2012’s black and white*!”
*Not my prediction, for the avoidance of doubt.
