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 Post subject: Re: Chilli bum
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 2:18 pm 
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Posts: 14845
Before you go, carefully extract the cardboard cylinder from the bog roll. Then carefully insert the cylinder up your backside, ensuring you do not squash it in the process. Thereafter, evacuate your bowels and hey presto! it won't touch the sides on the way out. Problem solved.

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 Post subject: Re: Chilli bum
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 2:30 pm 
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Dally wrote:Before you go, carefully extract the cardboard cylinder from the bog roll. Then carefully insert the cylinder up your backside, ensuring you do not squash it in the process. Thereafter, evacuate your bowels and hey presto! it won't touch the sides on the way out. Problem solved.


:lol: :lol: :BOW: :BOW: :BOW:

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 Post subject: Re: Chilli bum
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 2:33 pm 
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Location: Normanton
Dally wrote:Before you go, carefully extract the cardboard cylinder from the bog roll. Then carefully insert the cylinder up your backside, ensuring you do not squash it in the process. Thereafter, evacuate your bowels and hey presto! it won't touch the sides on the way out. Problem solved.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:






Image

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 Post subject: Re: Chilli bum
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 3:03 pm 
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Lovely stuff RLFANS. Lovely stuff.

It's like the Sin Bin 2003. :)






@GavWilson

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 Post subject: Re: Chilli bum
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 3:20 pm 
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Does anyone else suffer from chilli willy as well? I think my internal wiring is screwed...






I READ THE AUP BUT PREFERRED THE MOVIE

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 Post subject: Re: Chilli bum
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 3:22 pm 
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Location: MACS0647-JD
In a particularly severe case, you could combine methods.

i recommend:

1. Fill toilet with large quantity of ice cubes, and wait 5 mins for water to become very cold. Do not over-fill as you must retain splashability.

2. Do your thing, while setting off mousetrap on fingers simultaneously. If mousetrap forgotten or unavailable, slamming the door of the dubs onto your thumb, or in case of unsuitable door, poking yourself in the eye, will work equally well as a distraction.

3. Dip one of these
Image
into a pot of Greek yoghurt
(Other products such as Calippo can work well, but the Zoom caters for a wide range of sphincter apertures, and if the end breaks off, is less prone to falling back out)

4. Insert rectally. Lave as long as liked. If in hurry, break off and leave sharp end in situ*

* If time is tight then you should acquire some of these, or similar
Image

If used, consider in particular strife inserting small bag of frozen peas in gusset






Last edited by Ferocious Aardvark on stardate Jun 26, 3013 11:27 am, edited 48,562,867,458,300,023 times in total


Last edited by Ferocious Aardvark on Thu Dec 08, 2011 3:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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 Post subject: Re: Chilli bum
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 3:23 pm 
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Posts: 11757
Location: Leeds
cod'ead wrote:Greek yoghurt either orally or anally, best thing for relieving any burn of any type


This.

It’s horrible stuff but it took away the burning sensation I got from this super-hot sauce my mate gave me to try one time.






//peakwalking.blogspot.co.uk/

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 Post subject: Re: Chilli bum
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 4:14 pm 
International Chairman
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Joined: Feb 26 2002
Posts: 32466
Location: Leeds
Try ripping off the top part of your fingernail so that it parts company with the skin underneath, I did last night while trying to scratch, ironically, my backside.

Jesus that hurts, I confessed to all sorts of things just to make it stop.






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 Post subject: Re: Chilli bum
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 4:25 pm 
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Joined: Jul 25 2002
Posts: 381
Location: Billinge - on reconnaissance - keeping an eye on the pies over the hill
These are what you need:

Image






Never be afraid to try your hand at something new......amateurs built the Ark, experts built the Titanic.

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 Post subject: Re: Chilli bum
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 4:26 pm 
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Posts: 6668
Ferocious Aardvark wrote:snip


:lol: :lol: :lol: :CLAP:

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