Joined: Nov 23 2002 Posts: 1937 Location: Gozo/ Malta
Paddy marches into the job centre and screams " i've been ringing 08001730 for two days now trying to get help! " Girl at reception desk asks " Did you get that number from our door sir? " Paddy says " Yes! " Girl says " those are our opening hours you thick git!! "
Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 4224 Location: Warrington and Hollywood
A man ended up being slapped in the face when he asked a nurse for a kiss as they stood just outside the hospital door. He wasn't exactly pleased about it. Apparently, it was the first time he had been turned down on medical grounds
Joined: Feb 07 2005 Posts: 8652 Location: Home sweet home
bloke goes to a mental institute and see`s a bloke in bed pretending to drive a porche.so he says to the bloke in the next bed whats he doing?he`s driving his porche to the shops and back again.replies the bloke...but he`s sat up in bed why dont you tell him he only thinks he`s driving a porche..no chance he gives me a tenner a week to clean it
Joined: Jan 19 2008 Posts: 4856 Location: Stood on the yellow lines, in the south stand
bloke walks into a pet shop and says;
can i have 2 dead flies please,
sorry sir we do not sell dead flies
oh says the bloke youve got some in the window.
two flies on a cowpat
one of them trumps
the other one says
do ya mind im tryin to eat mi dinner..
Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 4224 Location: Warrington and Hollywood
the ditch wrote:taxi ;dont worry im goin..
Dont worry theres one already booked for you
In a kindergarten school, a teacher asked her class to give examples of coincidence.
There was a long silence, then a small boy said: "My father & my mother were married the same day."
A BLONDE is in the library , she bangs down a book and says :" too boring, too many characters and no story.
LIBRARIAN says : oh! U r the one who took the phone directory away??
Joined: Jan 19 2008 Posts: 4856 Location: Stood on the yellow lines, in the south stand
load of pupils in class little johnny shouts out;
gizza pencil
teatcher;i beg your pardon
johnny;gizza pencil
teatcher;johnny there are nouns,pro nouns,and verbs
teatcher;mary as no pencils,philip as no pencils
sarah as no pencils,edward as no pencils,
they have no pencils
we all have no pencils
johnny;well whos got all the bleedin pencils........
Joined: Nov 23 2002 Posts: 1937 Location: Gozo/ Malta
Paddy takes his broken car to the mechanic. Mechanic says " Nothing serious mate just please don't try to bypass the swear filter in your air filter" Paddy says " Brilliant , how often do i have to do that? "
Bloke takes his car into a garage in Leigh.
"what's the problem, mate?" asks the mechanic
"It's my wheels" he replies
"Are they champion?"
"No, they're please don't try to bypass the swear filter, that's why I need new ones!"
We're the first ones to starve, we're the first ones to die The first ones in line for that pie-in-the-sky And we're always the last when the cream is shared out For the worker is working when the fat cat's about
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