Come on people dont ruin the thread, especially you CP2

Anyway, on with the jokes, lol i liked that rice crispie one, im still laughing atr it now. Here goes..

What kind of snake is it good to have on a car?


Windshield vipers

A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender looks him over and says, "We don't serve your kind in here. Get out!" So the string goes into a second bar and the bartender looks him over and tells him, "We don't serve strings in here. You have to leave." Frustrated, the string walks outside twists himself into a huge tangle, unravels one end of himself and goes back to the first bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and says, "Hey, aren't you that piece of string that was just in here a few minutes ago?" The string responds, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

i asked my dentist what he would recommend for yellow teeth
a brown tie should do it..he said.

2 little boys talkin at school
over there behind that radiator theres a condom
what the bleedin hells a radiator says the other..

And whats your excuse for missing the faux patronising bit?

Patronising? You sure you're using that term correctly, deary?

Yes love.

Customer: " excuse me , but how come this tiny,tiny little handbag cost so much?"

Cashier: "Its made of foreskin madam. When you lick it , it becomes a suitcase " !

what do you do if a bird craps on your windscreen?

finish with her.

Just had an appointment with a fortune teller. She told me a lot of money is coming my way. I left all excited - and got hit by a loving securicor van!!

Heard a poor one tonight.

Went to the cash machine, it said insufficient funds. Wasn't sure if it meant them or me.