Bad jokes.?
Heres one...
An old couple try for years to concieve a son. they raise 3 beautiful girs, but no son. Then, the wife gives birth to a boy. However, he has no arms, legs, or torso. Just a head. They love him and raise him anyway, and on the son's 21st, the man takes his son to the pub to have a beer.
He takes a sip, and BANG! A torso pops into existence. The bar is amazed, and urges the young man to have another drink.
BANG! out pops a pair of lArms. The bar gets even more excited, the barman however, glances up from polishing his glasses, gives a look, then gets back to work.
The bar is now begging the boy to finish his drink, so he grabs the beer skols the rest of it, a pair of legs pops out.
He then runs out into the street where he is hit and killed by a passing truck.
The barman looks up, and says (you're gonna hate me for this)
"Hes should have quit while he was a head"

The old ones are the best.

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know, "he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "

"No, "she replies. . . "


"You just happened to catch my eye."

I'll get me coat

Renault have added a new car to their range....

DOCTOR, DOCTOR,
I KEEP GETTING SMALLER AND SMALLER, WHAT CAN I DO?

DOCTOR- WELL YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO BE A LITTLE PATIENT WON'T YOU

I went the doctors once, and the doctor said "Take a seat"

So i did and walked out

What's an archeologist?

Someone whose career is in ruins.




What does a king do when he burps?

He issues a royal pardon.

2 LEPERS PLAYING CARDS
one threw is hand in
the other laughed his head of..

Some random guy visits the doctor. 'Doc, I've got 5 manhood's, and I'm not sure what to do!' he says. 'Jesus wept, how do your pants fit?' asks the Doc. 'Like a glove!' the man replies.

This is the worst/oldest joke thread right!?

a bloke in a mental home says eh matron is that clock right
yes she replies
what the bleedin ell is it doing in here then..