i realise this is a couple of years old but well done to whoever wrote it...

My therapy is completed.

I am now nearing 125 years old and I live in East Hull, I had long running skirmishes with my old neighbour until 1999 when he dissapeared after being near death and deep in debt.

His demise began when he started to dabble in black magic and trans-configuration, he tried to change himself from an airlie bird into a shark in his attempts to join the high society, but his transformation attempt proved to be his undoing.

In 1997 he started on a spending spree, the problem was he had no money and by 1998 his health started to deteriorate. By 1999 he and a distant associate from up north were both on their death beds and in so much debt that they were about to go into extinction, in fact they both disappeared from the face of the earth.

I've now got another new neighbour now, he is nearly 10 years old and claims to be the reincarnation of my old neighbour. He is a council tenant and lives on the dark side after his old home was condemned and is waiting to be demolished as part of Edit (sorry slum) clearance sheme.

He tries to pretend he is my old neighbour but everyone knows he was 'created' after an unholy union was arranged between his mother and father who were both on their death beds and nearing extinction.

This man made 'frankenstien' like creation has geordie blood in its veins and many characteristics of his geordie mother although he claims to be more like his dad.

I enjoyed the best days of my life around the time of my 100th birthday and was presented many awards in my 101st and 102nd years for my contribution to society.

When i was 97 i took my old neighbour to london, where i subjected him to public humiliation in front of 90,000 people.

There are still many people from East Hull who regularly remind his young offspring of this. He doesnt take this very well and claims to be a better person than me now even though he has never managed to match our achievements in london.

The geordie youngster is welcome to his moment in the spotlight and his temporary ability to upset the odds. He will only end up like his father, deep in debt with nowhere to live. In fact its happening already, hes already deep in debt again just like his parents and grandparents before him.

When i was 114 my health deteriorated and i fought against ill health for 10 long years, in fact i almost went the same way as my old neighbour.

Thankfully i am made of stronger stuff and remained determined to prove my doubters wrong, my health steadily improved year by year. By the time i was 122 i was almost back to full fitness and lots of my old friends have started to return.

Now 124 i had regained my rightful place in society and stood proudly alongside my young neighbour from the dark side. Our skirmishes took on a new meaning as we clashed four times, my young neighbour thought he was in for some easy picking but got a shock after he only just managed to take the honours from our first meeting over at his place.

I took him away to cardiff for a weekend and took the young upstart down a peg or two, it appears that just like his father he cannot perform in a capital city. Our third meeting was at my place, i had an off day and he managed to get the better of me. I was determined there would be no repeat performance at our final encounter and gave him the thrashing of a lifetime. I totally humiliated him in front of all his friends, unfortunately not many of his friends saw this as they had deserted him before the end. I've got lots of new friends now, some have even turned from the dark side, lots of my old friends have returned and teamed up with my loyal friends, together they are the Pride of East Hull.

I have done this by my own achievements and my bloodline remains pure.

Im still getting stronger and next year NOBODY will take me for granted.

I thank you for listening to me, i dont think i'll need to come back for any more therapy.

In terms of making myself heard again, its already happened, you only have to look at the local rag, i now regularly push my young upstart neighbour off the back page.

A final message to my young neighbour from the dark side

I'M BACK, NOW IS THE TIME YOU'D BETTER BE AFRAID, VERY AFRAID

How very very true, well done our pet (that sounds Geordie itself !!!),and your avatar is Black & White , way aye pet

my avatar is our pet, hence the name, shame you cant get a red n white dalmation

I know its a while ago but why did you not join the great game of rugby league when born back in 1895? Why did you stay with the ruggers chaps for quite a few years?

Was it the merger with the Albany soccer team that made you see the light?

I feel that the initial refusal to see the light will follow you til the day you die...shame.



Good effort nonetheless....splitters!

What a load of old bollocks.

Historical facts not your cup of tea ? !!!

Tell me honestly that you didn't cringe a bit reading it.

I did,nt

Neither did i

That wasn't his question though was it