brian noble on his way back to bratfurt after another defeat, when he's pulled over by traffic cops, and given a ticket for speeding

nobby says "things just seem to be getting worse and worse"

traffic cop replies "well brian, think positive, at least you'll have three points!!"

When a Wigan girl is having sex, what protection does she use?

The bus shelter


What time is it when you see a pie on a clock tower in Wigan?

Sommat to ate


What's the difference between a woman from Wigan and a walrus?

One's got a moustache and smells of fish and the other lives in the
sea.