Number 1.
A rather cynical man who worked with me ran out of fags, so he drove up to the local Morrisons. There was snow on the ground, but his addiction compelled him to go.
When he got to Morrisons, some kids in the caar park started throwing snowballs at his car. Being a rather awkward Yorkshireman, he drove back to confront them. He saw that they had built a snowman, so he decided to destroy it. Shame it was built on top of a concrete bollard.
Number 2.
The latest Marketing Glamour Boys decided that the best way to turn the business round would be to make all senior managers wear badges that had a CARE logo. CARE meant Customers Are Really Everything. One of my stroppier fellow managers when he was presented with his badge proceeded to tell his boss what he thought about the marketimg bullsh1t and stamped on his badge.
He broke his ankle and was wheeled out of the office on his chair, still ranting about CARE!
Number 3.
We converted all print management to use a software package. The guys who looked after it had a spreadsheet which they printed off and updated manually on paper, it detailed who got which reports and when.
So when we automated this we got the guy up from London who was the master of the distribution list.
After a few hours we realised it was going to take a while to key this into the database, so I asked Pete to photocopy the master list so we could carry on when he'd gone back to London.
"OK" he says, "Where's the copier?"
Through the double doors, on the right, he was told.
He came back about half an hour later, ashen faced.
Apparently, he had gone through the double doors. and got confused.
He asked a local "Where do you put the paper in?"
The local pointed to the obvious, after all this was an ignorant southerner.
So Pete stick ths paper in.
"Goodness gracious, that sounds a bit rough" says Pete. "Where does the paper come out?".
So the local opens the door of the shredder.
Trues story, and the spreadsheet was miles out of date with the shredded paper copy.
All the above stories are true, anyone who can beat them can post here any time.
