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 Post subject: Re: Management cliches
PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 7:56 pm 
Player Coach
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Joined: Apr 30 2006
Posts: 2412
Location: Leeds
Cronus wrote:I can only assume you work in porn?


:lol:

It looks like that at the moment with the amount of Brazilians (nationals!) swanning about .. I work on a Cruise Ship.






Custom Wigan RL skins for Firefox
BBC wrote:St Helens, due to move out of their 120-year-old ground at the end of the season, desperately wanted to mark the occasion with a victory in front of a full house.... And Wigan were left celebrating inside the enemy camp for the first time since September 2003.

Sunset Stock Footage

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 Post subject: Re: Management cliches
PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 7:58 pm 
Player Coach
First Team Player

Joined: Apr 10 2006
Posts: 1782
Kosh wrote:I once worked in the R&D department of a major engineering company where we had a manager who had been on waaaay too many training courses. We used to keep a notebook entitled 'The Sayings of Chairman Richard' as he came out with so many of these gems. We also used to run competitions to see how many made-up expressions we could slip into a meeting without him batting an eyelid.

Two of my favourites that he came out with:

We seem to be trapped on a peninsular of illogical thought.

These (insert customer name here) boys are tricky Kangaroos to box


I particularly like the use of peninsular when island would be the more obvious choice. Peninsular suggests that there is a way out of this illogical thought process. Clever!

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 Post subject: Re: Management cliches
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:46 pm 
International Chairman
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Joined: Mar 15 2002
Posts: 12792
Location: Leeds 13
A few months back, one of our directors went "freelance" and set up his own venture. This is the sort of nonsense that is on his website:

In the "What we do" section:

Quote:Ideation, planning and execution of projects carried out by a radical group, autonomously and free from bureaucracy. [business name] projects sidestep corporate politics and inertia.

[business name] facilitates this process whilst remaining entirely invisible. Originally born out of the necessary response to technological disruption, our elite membership of visionaries, luminaries, communicators and influencers drive advocacy and upper level buy-in; whilst accomplishing intellectual, emotional and financial objectives.


In the "How we do it" section:

Quote:[business name] comprises an harmonious elite membership of visionaries, luminaries, communicators and influencers, all of whom have been forwarded and seconded by the inner circle.


No, I haven't got a fecking clue either....






Quote:I wish everyone would read bramleyrhino's post two or three times just to get it through some thick skulls


Quote:Mr bramleyrhino speaks a lot of sense.


Jamie Jones-Buchanan wrote:"I'd never forgive myself if a child of mine was born in Lancashire.

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 Post subject: Re: Management cliches
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:53 pm 
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Joined: Oct 07 2004
Posts: 3325
Location: Leeds
bramleyrhino wrote:A few months back, one of our directors went "freelance" and set up his own venture. This is the sort of nonsense that is on his website:

In the "What we do" section:

In the "How we do it" section:

No, I haven't got a fecking clue either....


I'd be tempted email them just to say "so, what do you do then please?"






"In this age of Rooney and Tevez, here is a genuine, through and through sporting hero." Kevin Sinfield

I've got diamonds on my fish.

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 Post subject: Re: Management cliches
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:45 pm 
Club Owner
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Joined: Feb 10 2004
Posts: 16136
Location: Badsville
bramleyrhino wrote:A few months back, one of our directors went "freelance" and set up his own venture. This is the sort of nonsense that is on his website:

In the "What we do" section:

In the "How we do it" section:

No, I haven't got a fecking clue either....


No idea why you've taken the company name out, a quick google throws up one site with that particular brand of bull. :P






She got the wiggle hip sway hypno sex ray goin' on in my head
She got the flippin' hip slide hypno sex siren in my head
She got the wiggle hip sway hypno sex ray light's flashin' red

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 Post subject: Re: Management cliches
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:49 pm 
Club Owner
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Joined: Feb 10 2004
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Location: Badsville
Neil HFC wrote:No idea why you've taken the company name out, a quick google throws up one site with that particular brand of bull. :P


Although, having looked through the entire website I still don't know what they actually do, albeit anonymously.






She got the wiggle hip sway hypno sex ray goin' on in my head
She got the flippin' hip slide hypno sex siren in my head
She got the wiggle hip sway hypno sex ray light's flashin' red

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 Post subject: Re: Management cliches
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:07 pm 
Club Coach
Club Captain
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Joined: Oct 07 2004
Posts: 3325
Location: Leeds
Just looked on their site too. Ridiculous!






"In this age of Rooney and Tevez, here is a genuine, through and through sporting hero." Kevin Sinfield

I've got diamonds on my fish.

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 Post subject: Re: Management cliches
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 10:41 pm 
Moderator
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Joined: Jul 31 2003
Posts: 36786
Location: Leafy Worcester, home of the Black Pear
Neil HFC wrote:Although, having looked through the entire website I still don't know what they actually do, albeit anonymously.

Just had a quick peek myself. Three words...

What. The. Feck? :shock:






Hold on to me baby, his bony hands will do you no harm
It said in the cards, we lost our souls to the Nameless One

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 Post subject: Re: Management cliches
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 10:58 pm 
Player Coach
International Star
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Joined: May 25 2006
Posts: 8893
Location: Garth's Darkplace.
We had a sales manager from the US and at one meeting we put together a PowerPoint version of This is Your Life. He had a lot of sayings that we collected over the years and we called them his "Principles". Here ar just a few ( and he really said these),

Facts not known to me are irrelevant.

There are 50 million photocopiers in the world and I sold all of them.

There is no such word as No.

You have to fail to succeed.

If it's a good idea it's mine, if it's a bad idea it's yours.

All customers are a$$$holes.

"Great Ones " don't suck.






"Well, I think in Rugby League if you head butt someone there's normally some repercusions"

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 Post subject: Re: Management cliches
PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:18 pm 
Administrator
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Joined: Dec 05 2001
Posts: 25122
Location: Aleph Green
Finance: "You're currently making how much?"

Manager: "About £30,000 per week on average"

Finance: "And how many staff?"

Manager: "12"

Finance: "With all your staff do you think you could make, say, £45,000 in a week?"

Manager: "Oh, yeah - sure!" (Nodding vigorously)

.
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.
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.
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2 weeks later ....

<telephone rings>

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