Believe me, I would never laugh at the state of a person suffering from dementia.

Neither would I suggest that her children are being negligent by getting on with their lives when she is being looked after very well.

I wish I had understood that I was wasting my time long before I did.

Her carer is quite likely to be better equipped to cater for her needs than her children are , so I won't disagree with you on that . Visiting a person suffering from dementia and memory problems can be very frustrating and painful . I remember taking my young son to see my gran . She was constantly asking who the child was , what his name was , and wether we had a son or a daughter . Minutes later she would be telling us about her neighbours from the street she lived on eighty years previously, followed by ' did you have a boy or a girl ? What did you call it ? ' . I really can't fault them for sometimes avoiding paying her a visit , but surely they could have made the effort for a Christmas visit . She might not be around much longer . They should make the most of it while she is still here .
Having said that . I doubt that it is their up-bringing that affects their decision as to wether or not they go to see her .

All perfectly true.

I'd go further though and show my hand right now - I don't want my kids to feel obliged to come and visit me at home at Christmas, if they want to come that'll be nice, if they want to go to the Caribbean instead then that'll be fine too, I didn't have kids to make myself a chore to them when I'm an old curmudgeon.

Thank you McF. Those who have not seen it perhaps do not know.

Sorry, but I made weekly visits. I got the same story every time for a year before ny Dad thought I was his brother. Then he thought I was his Uncle (His Dad died early). Eventually he had no idea at all.

So please don't have a go at people whose parents are like that. And please understand that now we are are working out how wonderful a society we have based on life expectancy there will be many more people like this. Sadly. Statistics stink.

Sorry if I gave the wrong impression . I made regular visits to my gran , and although I do realise that it is not nearly as painful as visiting a parent under such circumstances I feel I do have at least some idea of what it feels like . My sympathies are with you and your family for having to endure such misfortune . My issue isn't with people not visiting ill relatives . It is with people blaming Mrs T for the behaviour of her children .

when you're an old curmudgeon?

I've not had - or known of, at any rate - family go that way. Yet. But I spent some ten, almost 30 years ago, working on a psycho-geriatric ward and it was an experience I haven't forgotten. I was fortunate that the sister in charge was an absolute diamond, who made sure the residents were never just left to rot in urine-soaked beds (which I also saw, on a kind of emergency secondment at the same hospital).

It was an extraordinary experience that has stayed with me - but you're spot on: it is not easy dealing with people who have such conditions. And my experience was not as a relative, with the emotional context that that means.

If I thought that the senile old bat could even understand that her kids would sooner be anywhere else on earth apart from with her, then I may have a slight - a very slight - amount of sympathy.

As it is, I do not.

As much as I shall rejoice in her death, I will enjoy all the time in between, watching her being ignored by her loved ones. She did enough to destroy whole communities in this country. So if her over-privileged, idiot progeny decide that they've had enough of the old fooking witch, at least they're showing some sense.

What are the vetting qualifications to become her carer?

loving bollocking christmas. Seriously who gives a love? It's just another day.

Forget the personalities involved, it's no more special than December 28 or June 3, I have a work colleague whose mother is in a similar state and she has been ridiculously vilified by her family because she wasn't going to visit her on Christmas Day - even though she sees her more than the rest of them do on a regular basis.